A huge part of my job as a dog trainer is to train the human end of the leash, too. Most of this happens at the end of the board & train because in order for the training to “stick”, the dog’s family needs to stay consistent with everything the dog has learned here at training. There are lots of things we touch on during these go-home lessons, and one of those things is often tone of voice. There are three commons mistakes that we tend to make:
We use a voice that is either overly stern, or overly excitable.
We giggle while saying no, or we say no without sincerity.
We’re inconsistent with our tone, or there’s inconsistency between family members.
In this blog post, I’ll unpack these mistakes and give some suggestions on how to avoid them and what to do instead.
Neutrality is your friend
No need to be stern to get your dog to listen!
My first piece of advice is to embrace a neutral or somewhat positive tone of voice. If you’re too squeaky and excitable (“Siiiiit!”) you’ll accidentally amp your dog up. If you’re too stern (think “command voice”) you could make your dog nervous or uncomfortable. The best practice is to keep your tone right in the middle of those two extremes. I find that it’s especially hard for folks to stop being so stern—not because they want to be stern with their dogs but because they’ve had to be stern in the past in order to get their dog to listen. Remember, you’ve got tools now! Let the tools do the “talking” in that respect. Use the tools to provide the emphasis so that your voice can stay neutral.
Be serious about your “no”
It is super common for owners to giggle when saying no, or to say no in an insincere tone (“Noooooo!”). Your dog is ALWAYS reading your body language, tone of voice and facial expression, so if you’re laughing while you say no, your dog is definitely not going to take you seriously and whatever behavior you’re trying to stop is not going to cease. There’s no need to yell or be angry (avoid that, please) but we do need to be serious about boundaries with our dog. A common example of this is the dog jumping on the owner. The owner doesn’t want the dog to stop being excited about seeing them, so they’re afraid to correct the jumping strongly. I totally understand the concern, but I assure you it’s unwarranted. You can set boundaries around certain behaviors (like jumping) while still preserving your dog’s feelings toward you; in fact, I’d argue that good boundaries only make your relationship stronger—not unlike human relationships! Good rule of thumb when saying no: aim for sincerity, not anger.
Stay consistent
Consistency needs to come from you personally, and there also needs to be consistency among other family members who handle the dog. A common example of this is when one family member is overly stern which causes the dog to display some nervous or fearful body language, and then that causes the other family members may try to make up for that by being too soft and skipping a few “no’s” here and there. These seemingly harmless inconsistencies make a mess of things because dogs thrive off of consistency! Consistency brings clarity, clarity facilitates calmness, and calmness is at the center of good behavior. So, if there’s more than one person in your household, decide right now that you’re all going to commit to a neutral tone of voice. If it’s just you, then hold yourself accountable to a consistent tone and consistent use of your tools. Old habits can be hard to break, but you can do it!
